Don’t Let Your Child Fall Victim to Predators
When children use the Internet and internet communication tools such as chat rooms, e-mail, and instant messaging they risk possible interaction with online predators. The anonymity of the Internet means that trust and intimacy can develop quickly online, especially for trusting children and teenagers. Predators take advantage of this anonymity to build online relationships with inexperienced young people. In order to help protect your children, you need to be are aware of the risks related to online communication. If you’re involved in your kids’ Internet activities knowing the risks is much easier.
Continue reading to get answers to your questions about how online predators work, who is at risk of being victimized by online predators, and how you can help to reduce the risk of your child becoming a target.
How Do Online Predators Attack?
Predators establish contact with children through conversations in chat rooms, instant messaging, e-mail, discussion/bulletin boards and social networking sites. Many teens use peer support through online forums to deal with their problems, and predators often go to these online areas to look for vulnerable victims.
How Do Online Predators Seduce their Victims?
Online predators try to gradually seduce their targets through attention, affection, kindness, and even gifts, and often devote considerable time, money, and energy to this effort.
They’re aware of the latest music and hobbies likely to interest kids.
They listen to and sympathize with kids’ problems.
To try to ease young people’s inhibitions, they gradually introduce sexual content into their conversation or show sexually explicit material.
Some predators work faster than others and engage in sexually explicit conversations immediately. This more direct approach may include harassment or the predator might stalk the victim. Predators might also evaluate the children they meet online for future face-to-face contact.
Which Children Are at Risk?
Young adolescents are the most vulnerable age group and are at high risk from online predators. Young adolescents tend to explore their sexuality, move away from parental control, and look for new relationships outside the family. Under the guise of anonymity, they are more likely to take risks online even if they don’t fully understand the possible implications.
The Children or Adolescents who are the most Vulnerable to online predators tend to be:
new to online activity and unfamiliar with netiquette
aggressive computer users
the type to try new, edgy activities in life
actively seeking attention or affection
rebellious
isolated or lonely
curious
confused regarding sexual identity
easily tricked by adults
attracted by subcultures apart from their parents’ world
Most children feel that they are aware of the dangers that lurk online, but in reality, they are quite naive especially when it comes to online relationships.
How Can Parents Minimize the Risk of their Child becoming a Victim?
Talk to your kids about sexual predators and potential online dangers.
Young children should not use chat rooms the dangers are too great. As children get older, direct them towards well-monitored kids’ chat rooms. Encourage even your teens to use monitored chat rooms.
If your children take part in chat rooms, make sure you know which ones they visit and with whom they talk. Monitor the chat areas yourself to see what kind of conversations take place.
Instruct your children to never leave the chat room’s public area. Many chat rooms offer private areas where users can have one-on-one chats with other users chat monitors can’t read these conversations. These are often referred to as “whisper” areas.
Keep the Internet-connected computer in a common area of the house, never in a child’s bedroom. It is much more difficult for a predator to establish a relationship with your child if the computer screen is easily visible. Even when the computer is in a public area of your home, sit with your child when he is online.
When your children are young, they should share the family e-mail address rather than have their own e-mail accounts. As they get older, you can ask your Internet Service Provider (ISP) to set up a separate e-mail address, but your children’s mail can still reside in your account.
Tell your children to never respond to instant messaging or e-mails from strangers. If your children use computers in places outside your supervision public library, school, or friends’ homes find out what computer safeguards are used.
If all precautions fail and your kids do meet an online predator, don’t blame them. The offender always bears full responsibility. Take decisive action to stop your child from any further contact with this person.
How Can I Reduce the Risk of my Child Being Victimized?
There are a number of precautions that children can take, which include:
Never download images from an unknown source they could be sexually explicit.
Use e-mail filters.
Tell an adult immediately if anything that happens online makes a child feel uncomfortable or frightened.
Choose a gender-neutral screen name that doesn’t contain sexually suggestive words or reveal personal information.
Never reveal personal information about themselves (including age and gender) or information about their family to anyone online; never fill out online personal profiles.
Stop any e-mail communication, instant messaging conversations, or chats if anyone starts to ask questions that are too personal or sexually suggestive.
Post the family online agreement near the computer to remind children to protect their privacy on the Internet.
How Do I Know if My Child is Being Targeted?
It’s possible that your child is the target of an online predator if:
Your child or teen spends a great deal of time online. Most children who are victims of online predators spend a lot of time online, particularly in chat rooms, and may close the doors to their rooms and be secretive about what they do when they go work on their computer.
You find pornography on the family computer. Predators often use pornography to sexually victimize children predators can supply things such as Web sites, photos, and sexual e-mail messages as a way to open sexual discussions with potential victims. Predators might use photos of child pornography to convince a child that it is normal for adults to have sex with children. You should be aware that your child may hide pornographic files on disks, especially if other family members use the computer.
Your child or teen receives phone calls from people you don’t know, or makes calls (sometimes long distance) to numbers you don’t recognize. After a predator establishes contact with your child online, some online predators might try to contact young people to engage in phone sex or to try to set up a real-world, face-to-face meeting. If children hesitate to give out their home phone number, online sex offenders will provide theirs. Some even have toll-free 1-800 numbers, so potential victims can call them without their parents’ knowledge. Others will tell children to call collect and then, with Caller ID or Call Display, the predators can easily determine the child’s phone number. Do not allow your child to meet a stranger they have met online, in person, without your supervision.
Your child or teen receives mail, gifts, or packages from someone you don’t know. It’s common for offenders to send letters, photographs, and gifts to potential victims. Online sex offenders even send airline tickets to entice a child or teen to meet them in person.
Your child or teen withdraws from family and friends, or quickly turns the computer monitor off or changes the screen if an adult enters the room. Online predators work hard to drive wedges between kids and their families and often exaggerate minor problems at home. Sexually victimized children tend to become withdrawn and depressed.
Your child is using someone else’s online account. Even kids who don’t have access to the Internet at home might meet an offender while online at a friend’s house or at another public place, even the library. Predators sometimes provide victims with a computer account so they can communicate.
What Can You do if Your Child is Targeted?
If your child receives sexually explicit photos from an online correspondent, or if she or he is solicited sexually in e-mail, instant messaging, or some other way online, contact your local police. Save any documentation including e-mail addresses, Web site addresses, and chat logs to share with the police.
Check your computer for pornographic files or any type of sexual communication these are often warning signs.
Monitor your child’s access to all live electronic communications, such as chat rooms, instant messaging, and e-mail. Online predators usually meet potential victims in chat rooms at first, and then continue communicating with them through e-mail or instant messaging.
Bill Wardell the Senior Editor, Creator and Developer of Online Security Authority, the Author of “Don’t Take Candy From Strangers” NSM Director, ASC Certified Coach. Speaker and Radio Show Host, Publisher, Researcher and National Radio Guest!
http://www.onlinesecurityauthority.com/
Dealing With Drug Abuse And Your Child
Drug abuse is not only seen in adults, it is also seen more and more in young teens. The problem seems to escalate every day. You hear more about teen drug abuse than you do about adult drug abuse. The reasons are attributed to peer pressure, low self-esteem, loneliness and because parents do the same thing. Parents are rarely completely without fault whether they are doing drugs or not.
If a child sees a parent drinking, they may feel this is normal behavior and want to do as their parent’s do, except they turn to drugs, which is easier to obtain than alcohol. Even if a parent does not drink or take drugs, they should still monitor their child’s behavior and emotional status. Drug abuse is not hard to detect, it is easy if you know your child.
Parents should always have an idea about their child’s friends as well as where they go and what they do. A parent that goes to bed before the child is home for the night will have no clue as to what condition the child came home in. Parents do need to have control over any child that shows any signs of drug abuse, early. If drug use is left unaddressed, the problem can only escalate. This is when a parent loses control of their child and the problem.
Drug abuse counselors and school counselors can help with a drug abuse problem, but a parent needs to take control of their child’s life to help control the ease of obtaining the drugs. If you think your child is using drugs, you can receive information and counseling yourself before confronting your child. Some parents feel that they cannot deal with the drug situation, which results in another problem. The child has gained control of the parent.
Drug abuse is rising every day and not much can be done to control the problem. As a parent, you can educate your child on the different outlets to turn to instead of drugs. If a child knows you are there for them, they may be more apt to open up. If they are alone all the time and you do not have time to talk, they may find their own solution, which could easily be drugs.
Children who have open and close relationships with their parents seem to adjust rather well to changes and do not need to try drugs. For some, personal issues weigh heavily on the decision to try drugs, which can lead to drug addiction. Drug abuse is a growing problem that can only be stopped with parental control over children.
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You’re Killing Your Child’s Chances For Success In School
I know for a fact that students in my classes don’t have to improve their memory. They tell me the details of their video games or their favorite sports teams without even stopping to think.
Yet, they can’t seem to remember information for tests and quizzes. A coincidence? Do they have to improve their memory? I don’t think so.
To get to the root of the problem, it’s necessary to see what happens when a student struggles. Normally, the parents are called and a parent teacher conference is scheduled.
In those conferences, parents say that a lot of interesting things. In terms of memory ability, it seems parents struggled (and continue to struggle) with memory issues. They point out that they themselves had the same trouble their child is having so they’re not surprised at the results. Disappointed, concerned, but not surprised.
When I hear that, I immediately think of the conversation that has probably gone on at home since elementary school.
Child: “Mom, Dad, I didn’t do so well on this test. I keep forgetting stuff.”
Mom: “I had a terrible memory, also. I guess it’s in the family. Your father could never remember, either.”
So what does your child begin to think after a while? It’s probably something like this: “Why try to study? It’s a done deal. It’s in the genes.”
The trap is set and your child falls into it. An occassional test comes back with a good grade but the overall picture is bleak. You see, the good grade was lucky. The bad grades are the norm. And your child never realizes that it’s possible to learn memory skills.
But wait! Your child doesn’t have to worry about improving their memory. They remember sports, movies, TV shows and video games. What’s the deal?
I know what you’re going to say. “He’s interested in those things. Of course, he can remember!”
Well, that’s a great first step. His memory is working fine. It’s just school work that he doesn’t remember.
Let’s look at four things you can do today to turn that around.
Here they are:
1 – Start from the premise that your child’s ability to remember information is fine. Once you do that, you can change the way you talk about poor grades and memorizing. As we’ve just seen, it’s more a question of interest than it is ability.
2 – Learn about memory strategies. Your job is to help your child find ways to make learning. storing and retrieving information more interesting. You can discover dozens of ways to look at information, put it into a form that’s easily filed and then easily recalled. And the style you choose can fit your child’s preferred learning style.
3 – Encourage your child. Tell them they can do well. Help them to understand the process of learning. Everyone does it the same way: You find ways to look at material that work for you, not your friend or your neighbor. Maybe you learn with pictures, maybe you like to listen or maybe you like to get up and move. Success depends on finding your style and using it.
4 – Don’t expect miracles overnight. Like all new habits, there is a period of adjustment where you won’t see much change. Don’t stop! You can help your child learn more easily if you just take it slow and easy. Think of it like watering a plant. You give enough water each day and then you let it be. Over time, the plant grows. You can’t explain why but it does. Your child will develop better habits the same way.
So, there you go. Change your habits and you can change your child’s path to success. Memory skills are just one area you need to look at. Just remember. It begins with you.
Jim Sarris is the author of Memory Skills Made Easy, a resource that helps students of any age remember more of what they study. For a free report on why your child has trouble remembering information, visit http://www.MemorySkillsMadeEasy.com.
Building Strong Communication Between Parents and Teens
Communication is difficult to maintain as your child reaches the adolescent years but this is the most important time to keep the lines of communication open and strong. So what can you as a parent of a teenager do to make sure you don’t lose this all important connection between you and your teen? Here are a few helpful hints you can use to make sure that when you do communicate with your child that you don’t end up doing more harm than good.
First off, it’s important to let your teen know that you’re interested in what they have to say. You can communicate this by your eye contact, body language and your voice inflection. In other words how you speak and how you listen are way more important than the words you use. Now you might find this hard to believe but it actually is true. Yes, those who study the way we communicate say that over 90% of our nonverbal behavior such as our facial expressions, body position, eye contact and tone of our voice determines not only how well our message is received but what message will be received. That leaves less than 10% that goes toward the actual words that we use.
Just think of the implications of these figures when having a conversation with your teenager. If you’re telling Johnny that you’re listening and care about what he has to say while at the same time writing your bills, answering the phone or waving and saying hello to the neighbor across the yard, do you think he’s going to believe your words? Or what about telling your teen daughter that you value her opinion while rolling your eyes and shaking your head sideways with your hands on your hips? What message do you think will actually get across to your teen?
Now, if you really are concerned about keeping the communication between you and your adolescent healthy and strong try out these tips for better communication.
Pay Attention To Nonverbal Communication
Remember, the words you say are not as important as how you say them. Keep this in your mind at all times while communicating with your teen and your conversations should vastly improve with this one tip alone.
Remove Yourself From Distractions
The next most important thing you can do is remove yourself from other distractions when having a conversation with your teen. Don’t answer the phone, stop whatever chore your doing at the time, turn off the TV and look directly at your teenager while the two of you talk and have a real conversation. This let’s them know that they are important enough for you to devote your time and focus to them and what they have to say.
Pay Attention To Eye Contact
Use eye contact effectively. Don’t stare constantly as they will end up thinking you are trying to find out something and they will feel uncomfortable and want to end the conversation as quickly as possible. Just look at them naturally while they speak or even while you’re speaking and look away occasionally for a moment and then look back again.
Watch Your Body Language
Watch those body movements that send the wrong message to your teenager. Control the eye rolling, hands on hips, stern jaw, crossed arms or other body behavior that may be sending a message that you really didn’t intend to send. These can break down the lines of communication faster than anything else.
It does takes effort on your part to make sure the communication between you and your adolescent goes smoothly and remains strong throughout the teen years. Just continue to always show interest and respect for your teen and you will be pleasantly surprised by the response you receive in return. When your teenager knows you are truly listening they are more apt to turn to you in their times of need. What more could you want?
Marsha Beslic M.S. is a licensed therapist and parenting coach with 20 years experience. Her goal is to help families work through difficult times so they can return to the happier moments of family life. Visit http://www.troubledteensolutions.com for a free “Teen Parenting Guide.”