Whatever Happened To…?
Whatever happened to the past seven or eight hours? That’s what I ask myself when the alarm clock goes off. Because I feel like I just closed my eyes, it’s hard to believe it’s time to get up. Maybe I should make myself wake up during the night so I can appreciate having been asleep.
I’m at the age when there are lots of “whatever happened to’s” in my life – like glasses. Although I have pairs strategically located throughout the house, I can’t see my way to find them.
When I was growing up, my mother couldn’t find her pencils, scissors or tape. I, of course, didn’t know where they were. It was like her desk was located in the Bermuda Triangle. On the other hand – the one with the “borrowed” pencil – dish soap, laundry detergent and vacuum cleaner bags never disappeared.
Five cent candy, ten cent phone calls and fifty cent coffee have disappeared too. As rising prices drive me away, I must be seeing life through a side view mirror – and inflation is closer than it appears.
I’ve never appeared at class reunions. Although I’ve wondered about classmates, I’ve never been sufficiently motivated to go and find out whatever happened to so-in-so – which, I guess, makes me a “whatever happened to”. I think I’ve aged reasonably well and done some interesting things. That’s my opinion anyway and I’m sticking to it.
As I get older, so do my heroes. When one passes away, it’s sad but expected. What isn’t expected is my thinking a celebrity had already died. Maybe I should rethink going to reunions – just to dispel any possible mistakes about me.
At least reunions wouldn’t be one “do you remember when” after another anymore. That’s because people don’t say remember anymore. Now we drop the “re” and say “member”.
I bet most people don’t “member” Grover Cleveland was both the twenty-second and twenty-fourth president of the United States. Grover Cleveland’s picture was on the one thousand dollar bill. In case you’re wondering whatever happened to the one thousand dollar bill, the government stopped printing it in 1946.
Now the one hundred dollar bill is the biggest denomination printed. It’s the one with Benjamin Franklin on it – but whatever happened to common sense? His picture should be on the penny. After all, it was Benjamin Franklin who said, “A penny saved is a penny earned”.
Knight Pierce Hirst takes humorous looks at life. Take a minute to make yourself smile at http://knightwatch.typepad.com
There is no Security with Shaking Ground, Mad Shoplifters and Thieving Families
Last night the ground moved. Again. It started a little after 8:00 and lasted about 15 seconds; a swaying motion rocking back and forth. It had been a while. Actually several years. This one was a 5.6 and was the biggest we have had since the 7.1 quake in 1989; you probably remember the World Series Loma Prieta earthquake.
That day in 1989 I was heading to get some hamburgers for the start of Game One when it hit. I had left early for the game but a number of employees were still in the building when it struck. My first thought was they had to be under the rubble and after checking on my family, I raced downtown.
Downtown Santa Cruz was devastated and I believe ten died; most buried under the rubble of unreinforced buildings over 50 years old. All our people were safe. But business was never the same.
That night we camped out in our backyard as the aftershocks continued. At about 3:00 I took off my shoes and stood barefoot on the ground. It was quivering like a bowl of Jell-O.
Just the other day my neighbor and I were recounting the post earthquake days. Some people took it very hard and actually got depressed even though no one in their family was hurt and the damages to their property were minimal. Why did some people just breeze right through it and others need months and years of counseling to cope?
And how could all this be? If there was ever anything in the universe that was secure it had to be terra firma or the ground beneath our very feet. At least that’s what I thought up until then.
At that precise moment my perception was forever changed. No longer would I ever assume that the earth was solid beneath my feet. I knew that at any moment it could jump and roll and turn to a liquid nightmare. I don’t worry about it but I know it can happen at anytime. And if the ground beneath my feet cannot be counted on, what can?
We just don’t know when Al-Qaeda will attack, a drunk driver will hit us or the ground will turn liquid. How can we be presumptuous enough to feel we can avoid these and numerous other threats and risks to our security? Will the United Nations Security Council keep me and mine secure? And how about Social Security? And the National Security Council? Homeland Security? The security net
Helen Keller said that security does not exist in nature and therefore does not exist in mankind. We build bigger fences, more elaborate alarms and even hire “Security” companies to help us keep what we got because it seems there are a lot of folks out there that want what is not theirs. They don’t want you and me to have security and to pay higher prices.
“It’s a war and the shoplifters and crooked employees will steal everything,” says Armand Aranda of Enterprise Protective Services. “Losses can approach 10%. These people are nuts; it’s like they’re crazy and angry. At that point the actual viability of the business is compromised. Employee theft can reach 50% of total theft; we’ve caught them loading up their pick-ups.”
Great. So we have met the enemy and he’s us. Our own people selling us out; sort of how Dog must have felt after he got shafted. How do we secure ourselves from ourselves? Do we call the security guard on ourselves? Code Blue, hurry quick, we’re stealing from ourselves! Did Dog think he was secure?
So you see, there really is no security. When we feel secure we should start worrying because that is when Al-Qaeda or the Extremist Supremist Utopian groups do their harm. Actually we would be doing ourselves a favor by not getting too comfy. Like Dog you never really know who ends up coming after you…
“It’s bad enough when it’s your employees,” laments Aranda, “but think what it’s like when we have a video of your family stealing from your business.”
My family? Egads. I never thought of that. One more security worry. Maybe the wife is stealing from me and I don’t know it. She’s definitely smart enough to figure out a way to drain me dry. You know, go through my wallet when I’m asleep and that sort of thing. Maybe I need to hire a security company. I’d have to get her permission first. Better not wake her up and ask her about it just yet. She probably would not be pleased.
“Security, that’s a good one” she would laugh, “after roaming the world through all kinds of adventures and ups and downs you actually think I need security? What would I do with this security of yours when the Big Shaker hits? Will it protect my store from looters?” She would have a point there. And she would laugh until tears ran down her cheeks.
On second thought maybe I won’t mention the security thing just yet. We sensitive guys need to make sure the timing is just right, no? And not do stupid things that can compromise what little security we may have. Because you never know when your family will start stealing from you, the vandals will ransack your store and the ground will turn to Jell-o.
What me worry? Security? Anyway, what would I do with it if I actually had it?
Jack D. Deal is the owner of Deal Business Consulting and has worked as a security company executive. He can be contacted at jddeal@jddeal.com Related articles can be found at http://www.jddeal.com and http://www.freeandinquiringmind.typepad.com
Parents Wanted – No Experience Required?
Burger flippers get training, so do crossing guards and street sweepers – but not parents. As soon as sperm fertilizes an egg, we become human sculptors. We’re given approximately seven pounds of protoplasm to mold and manage, help and heal, teach and train, comfort and care for. I can’t help thinking the world would be a better place if we were trained to do it – if we were trained to take care of the next generation – the generation that will take care of us.
In spite of my mother taking good care of me, I told myself I’d do things differently when I had children. I didn’t. I yelled. I sent my sons to their rooms without listening to their explanations. I made up excuses to get out of chaperoning class trips. One thing I didn’t do, however, was say, “Wait until your father gets home”. Because my mother was a single mother, she never said that. She handed out immediate consequences. So did I. My sons didn’t appreciate that. They wanted to be like their friends. They wanted to wait until their father got home.
Because I didn’t have any brothers, I didn’t have any idea how to raise boys. All I could do was my best; and thankfully, my best got better. I discovered boys weren’t girls with penises. I bought Band-Aids instead of Barbie dolls.
When our boys started school, John and I started rewarding them for good grades. As they got older, ice cream turned into money – the better the grade, the more money. Some parents thought we were bribing our sons. Maybe theses parents thought getting a raise for good work was a bribe too.
Although I never thought I’d suffer empty nest syndrome, we had two empty rooms too fast. Eventually, the two empty rooms turned into offices. Now John and I have room to grow. I also have time to think; and if I could do it all over again, I’d want a diploma in parenting first. That way I’d avoid the pain of the unknown and Dr. Blakely would avoid my hot-line calls. “My son’s crying!” “He won’t drink his milk!” “He has a rash!” When I had our first son, John was in Vietnam. While John fought for Uncle Sam, Dr. Blakely fought for my sanity. I think he did a good job. After all, I had a second child.
Knight Pierce Hirst takes humorous looks at life. Take a minute to make yourself smile at http://knightwatch.typepad.com
Are Doors Open For Discussion?
Front doors say as much about who lives in a house as names on mailboxes do. Natural wood, for example, says casual and unpretentious – unless the owners of the house have been married for so long they’ve gotten used to the weather-beaten look.
Glass, on the other hand – the one turning the highly polished, brass doorknob – says secure, at peace and nothing to hide. It also says the owners aren’t likely to cast the first stone.
Stained glass says the same things glass does – stained glass just says them more colorfully. Stained glass might also have a religious significance. It might be a reminder of childhood, Sunday mornings spent counting the panes in the stained glass windows in church.
Then there are entrances that are painted. According to feng shui, a red entrance will bring money into your life. Although my husband doesn’t believe in feng shui, he said he’d paint our entrance red as soon as the guy in the red suit brought money down our chimney.
Okay, no red entrance; but if an entrance is a different color than the house and looks good, the owners are good at compromising. If it doesn’t look good, the house probably belongs to a politician caught in a compromising position. Because politicians are continually changing their minds about political issues, maybe their houses should have revolving doors – red, blue or a color independently chosen.
Large portals are for optimists. They see big things in their futures and want to be sure they’ll fit in their lives. Large portals might also mean the homeowners supersize their burgers too often.
Most houses have doorbells. If owners choose to have a knocker instead, they’re open to change. They know that opportunity doesn’t ring a doorbell. Opportunity knocks.
If owners choose to have peepholes, they’re very cautious and private people. Of course, there is one other explanation. One of the mothers-in-law might live in the area.
We live in a condominium; and when I walk the dog or get the mail, I leave our natural-wood-with-a-glass-panel door unlocked. I have to stop doing that. John wants to know what I’d do if I came home and there was a burglar in our house. I thought I had a good answer. I said I’d apologize to the burglar for being in the wrong house and quickly leave. Needless to say, John doesn’t think that’s “a door able”.
Knight Pierce Hirst takes humorous looks at life. Take a minute to make yourself smile at http://knightwatch.typepad.com