Opposites Attract: Why Being Different Might Be the Path to Your True Love
People look at us rather oddly. For some reason they cannot connect us. If you see the two of us standing apart from each other in a group you would never match up wedding rings. There probably aren’t two people you know that are so different and most folks are surprised to see we’ve been married three and a half decades. We got married as teenagers and have stay married since.
In high stress, high production California many people don’t even attempt to have a long term relationship anymore. They are burnt. Their expectations are so low on finding their true love that if it hit them on the head they would not recognize it.
‘Gosh’ folks remark, ‘true and long term love just doesn’t happen anymore. And you two are so different…’
Different? Different is an understatement.
She paints and draws and sculpts and makes jewelry. I write and watch ball games. She thinks the Jets are a baseball team. I’ve been an avid sports fan since I was seven and could debate Al Michaelson.
She likes girlish, frilly stuff with streaks of pink. I like plain, simple stuff with darker blues and browns. She is a Republican, I am a Democrat. Sometimes. She had seven years of formal education and I’m an Ivy Leaguer.
She cries at any hint of emotion or even any thoughts of emotion. I tear up only when my team lays an egg. When she cleans up and washes dishes, she does all of them. When it’s my turn, I hide as many dirty pots and pans as I can. When she does laundry, she folds the clothes and puts them neatly away in their corresponding drawers. When I do laundry, I leave the clothes in the dryer.
I’m ready to go. She’s still checking everything and making sure nothing’s on or something is seriously out of place or what she might forget.
She loves Thai and I don’t. I live in the world of business and technology and strategies. She lives in a world of trust and relationships and family. She doesn’t want to camp out in the jungle with the jaguars and boas. I look for mosquito netting and my Brazilian machete. She thinks the Super Bowl is like Labor Day or Memorial Day. I think Super Sunday is a holy day that should also be cause for us to reminisce over last season and how our bonehead team can’t seem to win for losing.
She thinks Don Nelson is some singer and she doesn’t know who Tom Brady is but from the name he’s probably a baseball player. Other than Emeril and Rachael Ray I don’t know a single TV chef. She’s knows all the TV chefs and their philosophies and how their individual personalities contribute to their culinary art. I take it out of the freezer and put it in the microwave.
I think there are worse things in life than tracking in a bit of mud from the lower forty. She doesn’t. I believe Nellie Ball and the Warriors are incredibly interesting and she thinks they play soccer.
I can’t stand Mexican soap operas and she watches one every night. She is Mexican and I am American. She is dark and I am white. She is Indian and I am Gringo. She has long, black and gray hair and I have short gray hair but none on top. I like my coffee strong and she likes hers diluted with sugar and cream. I like restaurant pizza and she does not.
She likes leaving everything in neat rows and I like leaving everything in a pile. She likes canning jams and preserves and I buy them in a jar. She tries to find some good in not so good people and I say shoot ‘em. She believes that if one is a good and decent person nothing bad will happen to them. I believe that humans will stoop lower than any other animal on Earth.
She is woman and I am man. She is ma and I am pa. She sees the longevity of an object and I see the cost of replacement. She doesn’t like beer and I think that beer and the game are sacrosanct. She thinks food is therapy and I think beer is therapy.
She wants to be liked and admired by her friends. I could care less. She thinks all men drink beer every chance they get and I say every day is game day.
She thinks I should go through our garbage and separate all the plastic wrappers from the paper products. I think it should all be burned. She thinks recycling begins at home and why throw something out if you’ve got space to keep it. I say those that save everything eventually run out of space.
She eats with her left hand on her lap and no elbows on the table and I eat anyway I can. She thinks an expiration date means it’s got several more years to go and I think it’s the date botulism sprouts. She likes the soft, natural light of a late afternoon sunset and I like turning on a light so I can see. She thinks night club humor and anything not PG is not entertainment. In my middle aged years I’ll watch and laugh at just about anything.
The fact that opposites attract is a given; north and south, ying and yang, male and female. If this is true, and we both believe it is, then why do all these dating services try to match up attributes that are the same? Shouldn’t they be finding compatible differences? No wonder these couples can’t get along for more than a couple of days…they get bored to death! After ‘you know what’ they have nothing to talk about.
You’ll have to watch that pop psych guy on TV for more insight into that one…
Jack D. Deal is still married and is the owner of Deal Business Consulting. He can be contacted at jddeal@jddeal.com Related articles can be found at http://www.jddeal.com and http://www.freeandinquiringmind.typepad.com
Are You Dating Someone With an Abusive Personality?
Is your partner behaving in an unusual way and you are not being able to recognize the real problem? Often we hear that one of the partners in a marital or love relationship abuses the other person. This abuse may be physical, mental, emotional or psychological. It is a common assumption that a person who abuses another is supposed to be male, big in size, drunkard, unshaven and the like. However, this is not really true. An abuser is as normal as any other person and there are no signs that can help one to identify an abuser.
The most important issue with the abuser is his need to control others. He or she tries to control different aspects like your thoughts, desires, sense of dressing, even your employment and your choice in the case of making friends, your actions, how are you supposed to spend your time etc. The other important thing is that the abuser is always very critical of his target. He might criticize the target in every aspect like the appearance, in the choice of friends, in the way of speaking etc. However, this concern is often disguised in the form of concern or love. Often the abuser criticizes less in the beginning of your relationship and as the target gets more and more committed the abuser starts controlling his or her entire life.
One thing that the abuser always tries to do is to shut the target from the outside world. He will constantly tell his partner that her family and friends are harming her in some way or the other and in this way he tries to take the target away from others. Often, the abuser also takes his target out of town or state or even country so that she is not able to meet her family and friends and so in this way their contact would be minimal and so he will be able to maintain a strict control as well. The abuser is also extremely possessive about his target. He will constantly keep asking her how she spends her free time and that too with whom and what all they talked about etc. Sometimes, he might ask for the details to prove her truthfulness as well and he will declare that he is doing all this because he loves her.
Some of the other symptoms of the abusive personality are that the abuser is also filled with a deep internal rage. He or she would never accept the responsibility for anything that happens in their lives. He develops a habit of fighting and making up often. In short, he develops such a kind of behavior that it creates a sense of confusion in the mind of the target. In marriages, the abuse often seems to be physical as well, where the person pressurizes you to act in a violent or forceful manner during sex. A male abuser may find the idea of rape exciting.
A male abuser often sees women as being inferior to men. He feels that a woman is not complete without a relationship and that she is completely dependent on him. Using degrading remarks and saying hurting and cruel things is also a form of abuse in a relationship.
Therefore, it becomes very difficult to live with a person with an abusive personality. However, love and concern may bring about a change in such people.
Jane Saeman runs a site called http://www.Hot-Firefighters.com along with info on dating and relationships on her blog at http://www.Hot-Firefighters.com/blog2
Broaden Your Knowledge About Divorce Laws
Going through a divorce can be particularly difficult for both parties. Therefore, traditional litigation is not always the answer. One alternative is divorce mediation. With divorce mediation, a mediator is present. The job of a mediator is to help the couple come to an agreement that works for both. Since the mediator is a neutral third party, they will ensure that both parties receive a fair deal. A mediator is versed in the laws as they pertain to custody, visitation, child support, alimony, property division and much more.
Another alternative that many divorcing couples are considering is collaborative law. Collaborative law allows both parties to maintain a professional divorce team. This will help both parties to avoid litigation, but will still give each of them strong legal representation.
Division of property is usually a sticking point with couples. The laws are fairly clear as to how property is divided up. In order to make this part of the divorce run smoothly, make sure that you set your priorities as to what you want and be willing to compromise.
Divorce can have a large effect on your taxes. Therefore, be sure to know exactly what the divorce laws have to say about taxes and divorce. You will need to establish what exemptions each party is entitled to.
If you are covered under your soon-to-be ex-spouses health insurance, you will need to know what your legal options are. Some laws provide provisions that you can remain covered for a pre-determined amount of time. Therefore, be sure to check out what your rights are, as you will not want to be without health insurance for an extended period of time.
Each state has their own laws as to why a couple may file for divorce. In some states, there are a variety of reasons people can file for divorce. On the other hand, there are states that allow divorce for only one reason.
If you are looking to do a quickie divorce or file for the divorce yourself, there is an abundance of divorce kits filled with information you will need to file for divorce. Since these kits cost considerably less than hiring a divorce lawyer, this may be a great alternative if money is tight and you are willing to do some research. When purchasing a kit, make sure that it has accurate, up to date divorce law information. Furthermore, you will also need to make sure the laws apply to your particular state.
With the extreme variation of the divorce laws, it is clear to see why lawyers specialize in divorce, verses general law. Whether you are planning to file the divorce yourself or hire a professional, make sure that you are abreast of the divorce laws as they pertain to your particular situation and state.
Alex Olson is a professional journalist. Her articles about divorce, its laws, facts and much more are highly popular among men and women. You can find all this information at http://www.classicdivorselawhelp.com .
Social Networking Brings Life to Business
Thanks to the power of the Internet, Social networking, has created ways for people to link with others globally. They are a number of websites or Internet communities online today bringing the world closer together. It is likely that you have heard of or taken part in this craze that the Internet connects us to.
It is likely that you have heard of or taken part in this craze that the Internet connects us to but may not know what they mean or of what value they offer. If you were asked to define what social networking was, would you be able to give an accurate definition. Unfortunately, most individuals cannot, even though it is likely that they participate in some form of social networking, especially online.
Social networking is like a community or neighborhood that is connected by a website. It is a good way to meet people around the world, share different cultures and develop friendships or business relationships.
Social networking websites, are popping up frequently over the internet. There are many features to these programs and they are designed for both meeting people in business as well as making friends globally. It’s up to you to do your due diligence and find the site that offers you the most of what you are looking for. Many would believe a larger selection of social networks are good, the variety often makes it toilsome to find a valuable social networking website.
If it your intent in meeting new friends online, for business reasons you are advised against joining up for just any social networking site that you come across. They are not all created equal or may not fit your needs. Instead, take the time to research and review a number of different social networking sites. This is the best way to determine if the site you choose is a right fit for your needs.
When it comes to social networking online, websites are used. Social networking websites are, in a way, like an online community of internet users. Depending on the social networking website in question, many of these online community members share something in common The bond could be hobbies,interests religion, or politics. Once you are granted access to a social networking website you can begin to socialize. This socialization may include reading the profiles or profile pages of other members or even contacting them.
Some of these site also offer a business component to the mix and it would be your choice if you want to make a little or a lot of extra money on the side.
The friends that you can make are just one of the many benefits to social networking online. Another one of those benefits includes diversity. Unlike in most schools or workplaces, the internet gives individuals, from all around the world, access to social networking sties. This means that although you are in the United States, you could develop an online friendship with someone in Japan. Not only will you make a new friend, you but may also learn a thing or two about a new culture.
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